Here is the second installment of the Slave 2 The City Video series
This is whats going on in todays world on a large and small scale. In big organizations as well as in your own home, family, friends, school etc....
Explaining a little more about the single They Dont Know. Really opening up about what drove me to write and what I was going through while I wrote it.
I wrote this song 2 years ago and my friend Orlando said the world needs to hear it. People today are very cruel, mean and vicious. People are used, abused, bullied and attacked because of their culture because of the religious belief. They may attack you because of how you look, your preferences in life or where you came from. There is no reason for anyone too bash you there's no reason for anyone talk down on you to be condescending, to condemn you. Saying things purposely that are hurtful, harmful and even using brutal and violent ways to make you feel less than what you are created for.
I wrote this song because I have been through some of the same situations. I have been through some of the dark valleys, through the storms. As a man I've been emasculated, as a man I've been put down and I have been broken. I felt less of a man and inadequate as a Husband and felt that I couldnt be the dad that my children need. I wrote this song to share it with the world that some people may not want to be honest about what they are going through but Ive been there. Our situations may differ and in many ways they may be similar. I want to let you know that feel what you're going through.
I wrote this song because there are many people white, black, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Russian Arabic many different races male and female, children, teenagers, adults that go through some of the most horrible and vicious cycles today.
It's a shame because they don't know your background or where you came from how you were raised or what you had to go through. They don't know whats inside of you what your thinking or understand the fight that you had in your life.
No one knows about your house being in disarray, the broken down relationship/marriage the division in your family, that loss of that loved one, or that career that you worked hard to get to provide for your family from all of those years of going to school and the preparation it took to get ready for what you needed in life but it still didn't work out.
No one knows the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse that you have endured. From my experience its like a little boy on the inside crying out helplessly but no one hears you. Im goin to say this that a lot of times its your own people or your family your own husband/wife telling you that your not a man you're not a woman you're unfit mother you're not adequate enough to be a dad you are failure and we wonder why we have people who fall into depression and become suicidal.
I'm going to tell you I've been there and if there's nobody else in the world that knows your pain God does and he has commisioned certain people to reach out that have been through the same or similar situations to give hope, comfort, motivation, encouragement, to uplift and to let you know that you are worth living this life. You are a precious and unique person.
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Ok so here is the next part of the tesimony and If your wondering what this has to do with music then just keep folloing the blog.
Well there was a woman that I met and this woman went to church. She went to church and she let her lifestyle speak for itself even as we dated for a short while. She would invite me to church and when I didnt agree to go she would not beat the Bible over my head, but she would invite me every 2 or 3 weeks to church. I would say no not today me and the fellas are going to be watching the football game and drinking beer and she would say well I`ll see you later and I still love you. She did not condemn me she would just show love as Christ would do with anyone. She would share certain things with me about church, what was preached, and even read the bible with me. She would go to church often she was in the choir and went to Bible class she went to various outings and she also stayed for both services.
This woman was and is very dedicated and I have seen that she didn't let anything get in her way from going to the place of worship. One Saturday night she asked me will I go to church with her in the morning and I said yes because I used to go to church when I was younger. My grandmother use to take me all the time so I know what church is about and I know who God is and I believe in God. So I went to church that day and the Pastor is very down to earth and he was speaking to the men and this wasn't even the actual sermon that captivated me but this was him opening the doors of the church to come and receive Jesus. So he talked to the man and he said you men have it huh all you got your money, driving nice cars, a big house and you pulling up your pants like you`re the head of household like you are the man and he said as he looked over the congregation he said real men love Jesus my jaw dropped because I thought I was a real man.
After that I kept going to church but over the course of about 3 weeks I was reading the Bible and learning different things and it stuck with me it convicted me and one day that Saturday night I made it up in my my that when I go to church Sunday that I was going to recommit my life back to Christ and I did just that. Shortly after I rededicated my life back to Christ my old habits and things of that nature started to fall off. I use to be a very heavy drinker, I was actually an alcoholic and I went to the store one day after work. She would ask me you`re going to the store to get something to drink huh and I would say yes I worked hard all week and I want a drink. But yet again she did not fight me on it or condemn me. I went to the store and I asked the store clerk I knew him very well because I was always drinking and I asked him if he had anything new to drink he said no so I went to the back to the cooler to look in see what I want it I was very indecisive i was never indecisive, I stood there for about 15 minutes.
I went back to the store clerk and ask him are you sure you don`t have anything new and he said no so I went back to the cooler and I just said okay I`m just going to go ahead and get me a couple of 40 ounces of beer and I did. I took them home and I started to drink 1 of them and 1 of them tasted a bit nasty as if it was outdated so I said ok well maybe if I start drinking the other 1 that I will get a buzz and then this would not taste so nasty so i drunk it almost Midway and that one tasted the same as the other one. After that I knew I was convicted in my spirit. The Holy spirit made my body reject the alcohol I poured that beer out that day and I knew right then and there that I was delivered the Lord Jesus had took the taste of beer and everything else that I use to do out of my mouth. And I have not had any alcohol since then. I have fully delivered from alcohol and the abuse of any other narcotic or nicotine. Not to mention that the same woman that let her lifestyle speak for itself and shed her light about Jesus Christ the one that stuck by my side is the woman that I`ve been married to since March 1st of 2003.
So lets see if we can wrap this up. Since Im still alive that means I didnt pull the trigger. But that didnt stop me from having those messed up thoughts. I was still living a mess up life a young drunk that liked listening to evil music. Lets fast forward a couple of years after highschool. Now Im going to give this testimony and its actually on my other blogsite http://hc4p.blogspot.com/ as well. This will go deeper in then me just having a reason to make music. I guess your probably how is his testimony going to explain why he does music but you will understand in the end.
I was struggling an addiction to alcohol i was a functioning drunk. I kept a job and would go to work but after that and especially on the weekends i would be so bent over and drunk, obnoxious, and out of order. I would be game to do anything but I didn't care to do other drugs I just love to drink. To enhance the feeling I would not eat my beer was my breakfast and cigarettes black and milds would cater to high as well. On the weekend I would wake up with a drink and go to sleep with a drink and that was from Friday to late Sunday night.
I was so impaired at some times that I would do anything with any women regardless of look weight or height. Me and my boys would go and chill sometimes we got in trouble with the cops sometimes we got into confrontations with other people. In those days I was not afraid to die or kill someone. I remember I almost choked a guy to death for saying he was going to kill my baby before it was born. I remember getting in to beefs and people pulling out guns to shoot and I would still be walking up on them not being afraid if they were going to shoot to me.
My homies had to pull me back like I was crazy or like I had a death wish. I use to wild out and do stupid things when I was under the influence. I had no limitations and so I would go beyond the limit physically and legally. I crashed a couple of vehicles and one crash was on a busy freeway and the only thing I hit was the wall and no other cars. I would say that I was living pretty ruthless and reckless at the time and thats why Im saying now that I should have been dead. But God spared me and he had a plan for me and I began to see the light in the next part that I explain.
So back again with the reason I make music. Its more than just a notion or a simple saying that I wanna make Gospel music it runs deep for me. But lets get back to the story so I can lay it all for you.
So lets start from o yeah I would chant the name natas if you say it backwards then you know I was chanting the devils name. I didnt know that I was inviting all kinds of evil in my life it seemed so normal and harmless. After listening to it for a while I started to say the same things against God that he was saying and I wasnt afraid to do it. I said it in front of my friends too, even some of them were like yo kidd you crazy man. I said what the heck is he gonna do nothing. My attitude was already rebellious like bump the world (thats not what I really said I said the other phrase) but you get where im coming from.
So someone told me to stop listening to it or your gonna want to kill yourself. Boy i laughed like man only weak fools kill they self homie Im gone live on. But the guy was like for real kidd this dude just killed himself its on the news thats crazy.
Funny thing is that my mom seen the tape that I was listeing to on the dining room table and she said dont bring that mess in here again. Im like mom its just music and she said he is rapping about the devil. Of course I did what I wanted to do anyway. I was already heavily drinking like a grown man but in the 10 grade. Skipping school and going to school drunk and everything.
But as time went on I started having this feeling like why am i hear and I would ask myself I wonder how my family would feel If I was to die. I bet you they would care then. When I was young I had so much hate in my heart and I remember having a 12 gauge shotgon in my room that I was holding for one of my friends my mom never knew well she will now once she reads this lol. But I loaded it with one shell and I pumped it and pointed it to me.
Yall gone get mad but stay tuned for the next part . Also this is the video of the news in Detroit that I was talking about when my friend said someone committed sucide.
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I wont lie and say that music saved me because some music I use to listen before I became the man I am today was very unholy. Im mean wicked I use to listen to a Detroit rapper named Esham. He would rap about the most unholy things blaspheming God he would call himself the unholy one. He made a song called kill the fetus and the numbers of the mark of the beast. I had borrowed this tape from a friend back when tapes were happening.
I listened to it and i got intrigued I wanted more so I started asking around and I got introduced to more. There was a group called natas and ICP so I got there music to and it had me turned out everything I looked at had to be satanic or demonic or it wasnt right. I would chant the name natas if you say it backwards then you know I was chanting the devils name. Its a little deep and you probably dont believe I was that kind of guy but yeah it was me wanted to walk,talk, and rap unholy. Tune in next time as I reveal what happens next.
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