Why I make music pt 2

So back again with the reason I make music. Its more than just a notion or a simple saying that I wanna make Gospel music it runs deep for me. But lets get back to the story so I can lay it all for you.  
So lets start from o yeah I would chant the name natas if you say it backwards then you know I was chanting the devils name. I didnt know that I was inviting all kinds of evil in my life it seemed so normal and harmless. After listening to it for a while I started to say the same things against God that he was saying and I wasnt afraid to do it. I said it in front of my friends too, even some of them were like yo kidd you crazy man. I said what the heck is he gonna do nothing. My attitude was already rebellious like bump the world (thats not what I really said I said the other phrase) but you get where im coming from. 
So someone told me to stop listening to it or your gonna want to kill yourself. Boy i laughed like man only weak fools kill they self homie Im gone live on. But the guy was like for real kidd this dude just killed himself its on the news thats crazy. 
Funny thing is that my mom seen the tape that I was listeing to on the dining room table and she said dont bring that mess in here again. Im like mom its just music and she said he is rapping about the devil. Of course I did what I wanted to do anyway. I was already heavily drinking like a grown man but in the 10 grade. Skipping school and going to school drunk and everything. 
But as time went on I started having this feeling like why am i hear and I would ask myself I wonder how my family would feel If I was to die. I bet you they would care then. When I was young I had so much hate in my heart and I remember having a 12 gauge shotgon in my room that I was holding for one of my friends my mom never knew well she will now once she reads this lol. But I loaded it with one shell and I pumped it and pointed it to me.  
Yall gone get mad but stay tuned for the next part . Also this is the video of the news in Detroit that I was talking about when my friend said someone committed sucide. 
Pray have Faith and take Action